Self Realisation

My first Sahaja Yoga program was on 22nd April, 1983

I should precede this part of my story by saying, one of the last bits of my Seeking was that I began in those times to sit inside a wood frame meditation pyramid my brother accurately built for me, and that I aligned it gravitationally.

I was quite sensitive to ‘vibes’, intuitions and many things but by sitting in this pyramid I used to clear out energy-wise and pray and try to meditate. I had in there just two books, one was the Bhagavad Gita by Shri Krishna, translated by Juan Mascaro, and the other was the Gospels of Jesus, which are the stories of Christ’s words and deeds.

I was at some pains to try and resolve these two. Shri Jesus was a divine Son of God, and Shri Krishna was an incarnation of Shri Vishnu, the God of Yoga. What I came to appreciate is they were both Divine Incarnations, here to open new stages in Humanity’s collective evolutionary journey.

And so I sat down at my first program and they said we’re going to be watching a video, and that’s fine for me, and the video is from Huston Texas. Now I didn’t appreciate it at the time, only found out later, but She was actually inside a Giza shaped pyramid church in Huston. And this was sooo synchronistic.

She was talking about the relationship between Krishna and Christ, and that in the ancient puranas or very ancient texts in India, She was saying that it was quoted that Shri Krishna said I will place you higher than me and that He was the Incarnation of the Vishuddhi or throat chakra, and that Christ was the incarnation of the Agnya or forehead chakra. She said that it was now the time that the Sahasrara or crown chakra would be opened. So this was just like dealing me a whole deck of perfect cards and saying ‘here’s all the answers to all the questions you’ve been asking about’.

So that was very profound and I just absorbed and recognised that completely. I thought ‘okay well we’re on track here and this is somebody great who knows’. What I didn’t appreciate at that stage really at all was the truth that She was that next Incarnation. But I was definitely aware that She was the right person for me, a true Guru and a Divine Mother.

Really? Spontaneously? Self-Realisation?

So then the question was ‘well would you like self-realisation?’ Spontaneous self-realisation, in my understanding then, my history was, that this is not a two-minute affair. You know, you don’t have spontaneous self-realisation, do you?… It’s something you work out over a very long period of time, you’ve got karmas, dramas, and different consciousness levels and stages, and things to work through, so you know, to have this experience spontaneously, sitting there, I was open to, but not very expectant.

So we had the initial Sahaja Yoga Kundalini Divine Mother Initiation procedure, and I went deeply, profoundly thoughtless. Just incredibly, incredibly, in another state, and so I left there like a man in outer space, like you know like an astronaut, and so I went home, and I was very, very deeply affected for about ten days. But yet during those ten days I had enough presence of mind to go to work, but I was still in this state. But it was working out somehow that when nobody was there, I would just be profoundly over awed and full of Grace, and my body was well again, which had been not so.

So I had no doubt at all that this was what it professed to be. I knew, but I don’t know, I can’t communicate, how profound it was. It was hyper emotional and meaningful, and all consuming. I believe I have been a Seeker and a poet, I’m sure for lifetimes, and to find, and better to have, this experience, was just so pivotal, so fulfilling. I think I was truly ready for something. I was ready to give it up, Life and all. It had been my dark night of desperation.That day coincided unbelievably with the culmination of a eight year personal relationship. And so importantly, I was humbled and ready at that time. So it wasn’t just a life changing thing, it was a life saving thing. For ten days everything, everything, went into a suspension. All my health issues, my wealth issues, all just everything, the world was suddenly transformed.

I’ve had a peak LSD experience, up in Kalbarri, on the West Australian coastline, where the vast Murchison River basin empties out into the Indian Ocean, through deep and ancient river gorges, where I felt what it was, where I’ve had perceptions, or looks into infinite eternal space. These experiences showed my Seeking, that yes these trips were windows, but not doorways.

I realized that this new Kundalini Yoga experience was a doorway, that we can truly enter up into higher Consciousness. Truly we can enter the Heavenly realms, the subtlest and the highest.

So after that initial program, they couldn’t keep me away. I started to front up almost every morning for meditation at the ashram, and I was just into it from day one. So I just knew this was it for me, completely. I had felt the depth of it from the word go, and at that first program they asked … Any Questions?

I had two questions that Friday night at my initial Sahaja Yoga realization program in Perth. I asked ‘how often do you meditate?’ and somebody with enough presence of mind said ‘if you’re established in this state, then you can be in meditation pretty much all the time’.

My second question was ‘how do you discriminate?’. They said ‘you discern and you discriminate on vibrations, on vibrational awareness you can know’ and I thought ‘oh fantastic’. I mean because I’d been overly thoughtful. l’ve read a lot, and you know I got to the end of my tether as far as trying to work it out mentally, how to choose a way through life.

Pavan says – To do the Will of God, we must first Know the Will of God, to understand and follow the Paramchaitamya, the Cool Breeze, the Auspicious Wind of the Holy Spirit. This is the unique revelation of true Self Realisation for all the people of the World.

Mother says – You are completely filled with yourself, contented with yourself, and then you want to share. This whole world’s Sahasrara has to be opened out. This is what we have to do and we are not for escaping the world, that is not the idea. Idea is for meditation, for your growth. It’s very important to understand how valuable you are, how remarkably important you are. Born at this time, got your realisation. For what? To emancipate this world, to transform human beings, to take the whole of this world into the realm of God. That is what you are here for. May God bless you. (1997)

So that was it.

I basically was feeling and trusting the subtle body vibrations from the word go, and within a few months, the vibrations indicated that’s it time to come East, which I did and so I moved and drove over from Perth to Sydney in October ’84, and on route I went to Victoria where I’d been born. We were having a big collective meeting for Sahaja Yogis in the mountains there, in the Grampians National Park, and after that I stayed at the big ashram at Kew, at that time, which was just a beautiful place in the city where I was born.

Kew was the first real ashram that I moved into to live, and also it was a primary school. So my first in-ashram experience was in Kew in Melbourne in Victoria and from there I came up to Sydney, and basically moved in straight away, as we had ashrams there also and so full ashram life began basically from then on. ‘Moments with Mother’ Pavan Interview Here

Very Early Warning from the Unconscious about my Sahaja Life
I cannot tell you how very much the advent of my Kundalini awakening has meant to me in this life, but my Unconscious certainly knew from the first, and my God-Self or Spirit alerted me very early on, by way of a dream.
About 1984, quite early in my practice of Kundalini Sahaja Yoga, I had this most disturbing and profound dream.
I dreamt that I awoke from a very deep slumber to find myself, like Rip Van Winkle, waking up, almost covered
over with leaves, branches and the residue of Ages.
I was beneath this wonderful old tree of tremendous height, and breadth and depth, and I realised that I had
been asleep beneath this tree for a very, very long time. Almost instantaneously I was overcome with a huge and tremendous feeling of deep grief and loss.
I realised that I had not seen the growth of this tree. I had not been privy to, or part of its life, and seasons, and flourishing, and so I was immeasurably poorer for not having been aware of it. The resulting sense of loss and grief were unshakeable and quickly permeated my Earthly life. For about ten days I was struck down into a pervasive feeling of desolation. It was only a dream… and yet it was able to strike so deeply into my being.
My interest in psychology, particularly Jungian analysis and the process of individuation, after some time allowed me to get some insight into my dream.
In life at that time I had just found my Path, my Way, my Truth, my spiritual Practice, my Guru, and perhaps my full fulfilment, and maybe even final Liberation in time. I had indeed found access to the Kingdom of Heaven within and could begin to try and work out my purification and my spiritual Ascent. But I felt almost crushed, I knew I was only just starting to become a true Yogi.
There wasn’t any question. My path was before me and I must walk it. It was great, it was the only, but it was far. And then came my ultimate understanding of the dream and it was this. I had been a Seeker of Ages, reincarnating many times in search of God and Truth and Beauty. Perhaps I had been off in many detours through time but ever returning to my quest of the uttermost, the highest fulfilment of Destiny, to know and touch GOD.
This Quest was indeed the Purpose of Life. To ‘know thy self’ as GOD-Self as Spirit. My dream alerted me again to my Vocation, and yet the true meaning was a warning. In the years since 1983 when I started my practise of Kundalini Yoga I was to experience a variety of tests and trials. Some of these were quite potent, and would likely derail me on my Path, if I let them. And so this was the purpose of my dream. It was to warn me, my Soul, that whatever was to come… Do not leave your Path or your Guru, and do not cease your desire for God, until you have become the Spirit.